Gay Pornography

According to a prominent conservative Michael Schwartz, "All pornography is gay pornography." So that means that all those Playboys I masturbated to when I was fourteen were actually making me homosexual. And here I thought it was allowing me to look at naked women and probably objectify the female body more than is healthy. Nope. It was just making me incredibly gay. Shit. Looks like the homosexual agenda got me again.